What preaching from a wheel chair taught me

Exactly five years ago, I experienced one of the most humbling and challenging things my life. Five years ago, I had a cutting-edge surgery called autologous chondrocyte implantation. It’s just a long name for a doctor moving everything around in your knee, putting in harvested stem cells, relocating my shin bone… you can fill in the gaps! I had no idea what the road to recovery would mean, or the challenges my family and I would face along the path.

The surgery left me in bed  for weeks, hooked up to a CPM machine. The first months back to work meant I had to preach from the convenience of a wheel chair. Let’s just say it was a big day when I walked into the office on crutches with my trusty brace — a brace I would wear for an entire year.

While all of this was going on, I was trying to lead a church that was only two and a half years old. The surgery and recovery was physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting. Looking back on the past five years and all that my family has endured, here are a five things I learned along the way:

1. Balance is important. Pain, illness, injury, whatever you want to call it, is exhausting. I have regularly found myself feeling or wishing I could do more to handle the demands of life, to help around the house, to play with the kids. However, I have come to understand that even some of the most simple and mundane things become quite difficult when dealing with the stress of pain and illness. Not only does the physical pain seesaw back and forth—so do your emotions. Over time I found it normal to watch my emotions go back and forth from negative thoughts to positive thoughts and back again in a matter of minutes.

In these moments it is helpful and important to manage your energy. Knowing that the stress of injury, illness or pain drains your energy tank is a critical piece to the puzzle. The greater your leadership demands, the more you have to manage your energy wisely. Find things or people that bring you energy and avoid tasks and people that drain energy. Make sure your to-do list is reasonable and don’t push your elf beyond your energy level or you will pay for it.

2. Don’t let your injury or pain win. There have been moments when I have felt like succumbing to the pain or my identity as the guy with knee issues. Even while spending time with good friends, the conversation tended to move towards talking about my issues, my recovery and my pain, as if there was nothing else to talk about. Don’t allow this to become the new normal. Focus your conversations and help lead others to talk about the many other interesting things that help make you, you.

3. Talk with others who have been there before. Even with six surgeries over the past six years, I had never gone through a prolonged season of being in pain. If you are anything like me, you probably haven’t either. In preparation for my last surgery, knowing the pain would be tremendous and the time laid up would be lengthy, I sought out several people who had walked through similar hardships. These people gave me great information, understanding, advice and encouragement. All of these things helped create for a foundation that would help me persevere through the challenges of surgery and rehab. The shared experiences showed me I wasn’t alone in this journey, a nice reminder.

4. Don’t isolate yourself. When I am in pain and nursing an injury, I find it easy to isolate myself from activity, people, etc. Bed rest (not mentioning the pain meds) also made it extremely easy to isolate myself and to spend time watching TV. I think part of this is normal based on circumstances. But you need to fight through it. Ask people to visit and to bring your favorite milk shake from time to time (Mexican food was helpful, too). Watch things that are uplifting and that don’t add weight to your already shaken emotions. And when possible, get out of the house. Going to church and even a restaurant helped me feel normal again.

5. See the bigger picture. I have come to recognize that without pain and hardship, I would never come to know God as my Comforter. 2 Corinthians 1 tells us that in times of trial and in hardship, when we turn to God for answers and help, he will be there and will be our Comforter. If we were to live life without pain, we would never get to fully experience God for all that he is. Without pain there is no need to be comforted. If this be true, then for us to truly mature and to become Christ-like we must have periods of pain in our life. Pain in the long run really is a blessing, because in our pain we get to see and experience God.

If you would like to read more of my journey, tune into www.themilliondollarknee.blogspot.com.

Stress and the Call to Lead

Stress is real and in certain seasons, it abounds. It can limit our creativity and make us feel like we are going backwards when all effort is focused on moving forward. It can show up in our lives as a major crisis or just another busy season. Sometimes stress is caused by internal challenges and other times from external issues. Every team and every individual faces seasons of stress. It is during these seasons that good leadership is more significant than ever.

Here are a few things to never forget as you respond to seasons of stress:

1. Don’t panic

The best leaders I have observed exude a level of calmness in the midst of crisis. This isn’t manufactured or faked serenity. Good leaders have the ability to understand reality and yet see a preferred future. If the leader panics, everyone panics. During trying times, a good leader brings peace into the situation and calmly assures people; not by giving false hope but rather, helping people understand and find their balance in the midst of a challenging time.

2. Find joy in plodding

Plodding equates with long suffering. During seasons of great stress, endurance is always tested and the temptations to quit grow stronger. Leadership is about walking in faith by putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the team moving forward. The call of a leader is to remain steadfast in both good times and bad times.

3. Stay above reproach

Character is often tested in times of great stress. People are constantly watching how a leader responds when times are challenging and chaotic. A leader must remain authentic and yet unquestionable in their integrity. This is imperative for the overall health of the team and organization. Remember, people are watching. What a leader chooses to say and/or do will be taken seriously and often times open to other’s personal interpretations. This is why it is so important to lead and live with integrity.

4. Don’t neglect your own health

The call of leading a team or an organization requires that a leader is on top of their game. Thus, a leader must remain healthy personally to fulfill their calling. I have noticed in my own rhythms when facing stress that I can become a workaholic, neglect exercise, eat too much, and not get enough sleep. However, the opposite should be true. When we face trying times we need to make sure we find adequate rest, say yes to exercise, eat healthy, and stay disciplined in key areas of our lives. Watch your emotional, spiritual, and physical tanks. The health of the leader directly impacts the health of the team.

5. Live with margin

When stress is present, key decisions are more difficult to make. Even thought the decisions are harder, they are never less important an actually might be more important than ever. Having margin in your day and your life will provide room for you to get away, process, and deal with the weightiness of key decisions that need to be made. Part of the responsibility of leading is to provide the team and/or organization clarity in challenging times. Having margin will help you get there.

What else have you found helpful in leading during stress filled seasons?

Doing Family in a Busy World

As I watched my kids at basketball practice this week, I found myself amazed at how time has flown by. It is as though you blink and those little babies are grown. Because time is quick and family is important, maintaining balance and health in the family dynamics is utterly important. But it is hard! Finding family balance in a busy week is tough and it seems to be getting tougher.

I hear questions from young leaders and pastors frequently asking about how to maintain healthy rhythms in the home. Frankly, I am glad and encouraged to hear this question and see the concern on the faces of leaders.

Melissa has spent more time in the home than me during this season of our lives. She is active in helping me at work when time allows, volunteers at our church and in a local non-profit in our community, but sees her main responsibility to maintaining a healthy environment in our home. I have a pretty extensive travel schedule that can easily become a distraction to family life. Melissa and I have and continue to work hard at creating a stable and healthy environment for our family to flourish. Below are some principles that help guide us in this endeavor.

1. Be willing to say “no” to good things

This can be very hard to do and sometime can even feel painful. Partly because if you are like me, I want to grab a hold of any good experience when it comes and I especially want my kids to have every opportunity that they want. I want my kids to have a full palette of experiences and to be exposed to many different things during their lifetime. At the same time, you don’t want them to miss out on fun with their own friends that you know have a way of filling the emotional cup of your kids.

But, sometimes as a parent you have to make the hard decision for your kids and even for the sake of your family that your kids aren’t mature enough to make for themselves. One question we regularly ask ourselves is “Is this wise for our family or for this particular child today?” Though my kids are still in my house I can see from friends around me that the days when your kids are in your house are precious and they disappear very quickly. Thus, your kids need you! More at this stage than ever. They need your influence and leadership and they simply need time with you. So ask yourself…what is the greater good - another sport, another activity, another evening out with friends, or more time with you?

These are things that only you can decide for you and your family. Everyone around you and in your ministry will make demands of your time. As a result, someone will have to be disappointed. Do you want your family and kids constantly disappointed or others? I want to suggest that it is ok from time to time to use the word “no.” It is actually vital to providing stability and balance in the home.

2. Be intentional with your time

Because time is limited it is important to find how to make time work in your favor. What I mean is many times the lack of intentionality can cause one to lose valuable time in the home and in building relationships with your own kids. I found out the hard way how important it is to put my cell phone down when I walked in the door after a long day at work. My tendency was to drive home trying to make one more connection and I would walk in the door and unknowingly ignore the greeting I was receiving from my kids welcoming me home.

That realization, with the help of my loving wife, caused me to change my routine when I get home. Now I stay in the car until that last phone call is finished and the moment I walk into the house I place my phone in a drawer so it isn’t a distraction. This simple discipline has helped me control my time in a way that honors my kids and our family time.

Be intentional in the time you invest in your marriage. There should be times that you intentionally shut everything down just so you stay connected. The time you take off from a very busy schedule is hard and can feel painful, but it is life giving to the marriage. 

I try to spend time with my kids in the things they are interested in doing…not trying to make them like what my interests are. When opportunity allows it I even allow my kids to take trips with me. This gives us great one on one time together. When we travel I like to find a fun unexpected way to connect to the heart of my kids. This can play out in renting a sports car to drive around or taking them to their favorite restaurant. I have even surprised my son with a fun fishing trip while in Seattle and as a result he got his first experience of hooking a king salmon.

3. Live and lead creatively

Find moments when you are together with your kids or as a family to use teachable moments. Swim together. Shoot baskets or throw a ball together. Include your kids in home projects. Learn to use breakfast time, dinner time, bedtime, and car rides - whatever time brings your way, whatever it takes, learn to use the time you have with your children well. 

When it comes to raising a busy family there isn’t one moment that we can afford to spare. Not even one. It is hard work and requires intentionality and creativity. But I have found those moments are so worth it and really fun. Every time!

When it comes to teaching your kids about God and connecting with his heart, we have been extremely intentional that we want this to be natural and part of our regular life discussions. We pray together regularly and we allow our kids to feel the weight of things from time to time and to pray with us through those challenging moments. We talk about God, God’s Word, principles of life, and values that we hold dear as Christ followers.

It doesn’t take a lot to have a captive audience. I know every time I sit in a hunting blind with one of my kids or every time a ball is in the air, I have a captive audience.

I am finding the time is passing quickly. I imagine you are seeing the same trend. Work hard at it. Find balance. There really isn’t anything more important.