Stress and the Call to Lead

Stress is real and in certain seasons, it abounds. It can limit our creativity and make us feel like we are going backwards when all effort is focused on moving forward. It can show up in our lives as a major crisis or just another busy season. Sometimes stress is caused by internal challenges and other times from external issues. Every team and every individual faces seasons of stress. It is during these seasons that good leadership is more significant than ever.

Here are a few things to never forget as you respond to seasons of stress:

1. Don’t panic

The best leaders I have observed exude a level of calmness in the midst of crisis. This isn’t manufactured or faked serenity. Good leaders have the ability to understand reality and yet see a preferred future. If the leader panics, everyone panics. During trying times, a good leader brings peace into the situation and calmly assures people; not by giving false hope but rather, helping people understand and find their balance in the midst of a challenging time.

2. Find joy in plodding

Plodding equates with long suffering. During seasons of great stress, endurance is always tested and the temptations to quit grow stronger. Leadership is about walking in faith by putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the team moving forward. The call of a leader is to remain steadfast in both good times and bad times.

3. Stay above reproach

Character is often tested in times of great stress. People are constantly watching how a leader responds when times are challenging and chaotic. A leader must remain authentic and yet unquestionable in their integrity. This is imperative for the overall health of the team and organization. Remember, people are watching. What a leader chooses to say and/or do will be taken seriously and often times open to other’s personal interpretations. This is why it is so important to lead and live with integrity.

4. Don’t neglect your own health

The call of leading a team or an organization requires that a leader is on top of their game. Thus, a leader must remain healthy personally to fulfill their calling. I have noticed in my own rhythms when facing stress that I can become a workaholic, neglect exercise, eat too much, and not get enough sleep. However, the opposite should be true. When we face trying times we need to make sure we find adequate rest, say yes to exercise, eat healthy, and stay disciplined in key areas of our lives. Watch your emotional, spiritual, and physical tanks. The health of the leader directly impacts the health of the team.

5. Live with margin

When stress is present, key decisions are more difficult to make. Even thought the decisions are harder, they are never less important an actually might be more important than ever. Having margin in your day and your life will provide room for you to get away, process, and deal with the weightiness of key decisions that need to be made. Part of the responsibility of leading is to provide the team and/or organization clarity in challenging times. Having margin will help you get there.

What else have you found helpful in leading during stress filled seasons?

Doing Family in a Busy World

As I watched my kids at basketball practice this week, I found myself amazed at how time has flown by. It is as though you blink and those little babies are grown. Because time is quick and family is important, maintaining balance and health in the family dynamics is utterly important. But it is hard! Finding family balance in a busy week is tough and it seems to be getting tougher.

I hear questions from young leaders and pastors frequently asking about how to maintain healthy rhythms in the home. Frankly, I am glad and encouraged to hear this question and see the concern on the faces of leaders.

Melissa has spent more time in the home than me during this season of our lives. She is active in helping me at work when time allows, volunteers at our church and in a local non-profit in our community, but sees her main responsibility to maintaining a healthy environment in our home. I have a pretty extensive travel schedule that can easily become a distraction to family life. Melissa and I have and continue to work hard at creating a stable and healthy environment for our family to flourish. Below are some principles that help guide us in this endeavor.

1. Be willing to say “no” to good things

This can be very hard to do and sometime can even feel painful. Partly because if you are like me, I want to grab a hold of any good experience when it comes and I especially want my kids to have every opportunity that they want. I want my kids to have a full palette of experiences and to be exposed to many different things during their lifetime. At the same time, you don’t want them to miss out on fun with their own friends that you know have a way of filling the emotional cup of your kids.

But, sometimes as a parent you have to make the hard decision for your kids and even for the sake of your family that your kids aren’t mature enough to make for themselves. One question we regularly ask ourselves is “Is this wise for our family or for this particular child today?” Though my kids are still in my house I can see from friends around me that the days when your kids are in your house are precious and they disappear very quickly. Thus, your kids need you! More at this stage than ever. They need your influence and leadership and they simply need time with you. So ask yourself…what is the greater good - another sport, another activity, another evening out with friends, or more time with you?

These are things that only you can decide for you and your family. Everyone around you and in your ministry will make demands of your time. As a result, someone will have to be disappointed. Do you want your family and kids constantly disappointed or others? I want to suggest that it is ok from time to time to use the word “no.” It is actually vital to providing stability and balance in the home.

2. Be intentional with your time

Because time is limited it is important to find how to make time work in your favor. What I mean is many times the lack of intentionality can cause one to lose valuable time in the home and in building relationships with your own kids. I found out the hard way how important it is to put my cell phone down when I walked in the door after a long day at work. My tendency was to drive home trying to make one more connection and I would walk in the door and unknowingly ignore the greeting I was receiving from my kids welcoming me home.

That realization, with the help of my loving wife, caused me to change my routine when I get home. Now I stay in the car until that last phone call is finished and the moment I walk into the house I place my phone in a drawer so it isn’t a distraction. This simple discipline has helped me control my time in a way that honors my kids and our family time.

Be intentional in the time you invest in your marriage. There should be times that you intentionally shut everything down just so you stay connected. The time you take off from a very busy schedule is hard and can feel painful, but it is life giving to the marriage. 

I try to spend time with my kids in the things they are interested in doing…not trying to make them like what my interests are. When opportunity allows it I even allow my kids to take trips with me. This gives us great one on one time together. When we travel I like to find a fun unexpected way to connect to the heart of my kids. This can play out in renting a sports car to drive around or taking them to their favorite restaurant. I have even surprised my son with a fun fishing trip while in Seattle and as a result he got his first experience of hooking a king salmon.

3. Live and lead creatively

Find moments when you are together with your kids or as a family to use teachable moments. Swim together. Shoot baskets or throw a ball together. Include your kids in home projects. Learn to use breakfast time, dinner time, bedtime, and car rides - whatever time brings your way, whatever it takes, learn to use the time you have with your children well. 

When it comes to raising a busy family there isn’t one moment that we can afford to spare. Not even one. It is hard work and requires intentionality and creativity. But I have found those moments are so worth it and really fun. Every time!

When it comes to teaching your kids about God and connecting with his heart, we have been extremely intentional that we want this to be natural and part of our regular life discussions. We pray together regularly and we allow our kids to feel the weight of things from time to time and to pray with us through those challenging moments. We talk about God, God’s Word, principles of life, and values that we hold dear as Christ followers.

It doesn’t take a lot to have a captive audience. I know every time I sit in a hunting blind with one of my kids or every time a ball is in the air, I have a captive audience.

I am finding the time is passing quickly. I imagine you are seeing the same trend. Work hard at it. Find balance. There really isn’t anything more important.

Growing your Leadership Capacity

When it comes to starting a church or trying to bring about change, what does it look like to you? Can you describe the end result with great detail? One of the most important disciplines you can do to help ensure your success in these areas is to write down on paper what’s in your head.

Over the years, I have written out my goals in three specific categories of my life: physical goals, professional goals and spiritual goals.

Most people never write out their goals. Instead they drift through life going wherever the current of circumstance takes them. However, committing your goals to paper isn’t the magic wand…it is just the beginning.

Here are five quick reasons why you should write out your goals:

1. It brings clarity.

When you take time to write out your goals, it forces you to be certain about where you are and where you want to be. That small exercise brings great clarity and lets you know when you are actually moving, and if you are moving in the right direction.

2. It inspires action.

Writing down your goals is only half of the battle. The next big thing requires execution. You have to take action to see the goals achieved. When I write my goals down and then review them regularly, it inspires me to take the next most important step to achieving it.

3. It creates a filter.

The more success you achieve, the more opportunities will come your way. If you are not careful or have something that grounds you, these opportunities can easily distract and rip you off course. The one thing that has helped me to stay moving in the right direction is to have written goals that I can frequently visit to evaluate every new opportunity that pops up.

4. It elevates courage.

Resistance is just a part of life. Every meaningful intention you have will face resistance in some form. The moment you set a goal, resistance rears its ugly head. When you focus on the resistance it grows in strength and its ability to distract you. The best way to overcome the resistance is to focus on the end goal.

5. It creates avenues to celebrate.

Church work, leadership and life are hard when you don’t see tangible progress. It can feel like you are working day after day and getting nowhere. However, written goals can serve as markers on a highway. They enable you to see where you were, where you have come and how far you have to go. The best part is that they provide the opportunity to celebrate when the end has been reached.

Writing out your goals doesn’t need to be a long and drawn out process. Don’t over think it. Refine the goals as you go. I think you will find the effort and the discipline are well worth the time.