Doing Family in a Busy World

As I watched my kids at basketball practice this week, I found myself amazed at how time has flown by. It is as though you blink and those little babies are grown. Because time is quick and family is important, maintaining balance and health in the family dynamics is utterly important. But it is hard! Finding family balance in a busy week is tough and it seems to be getting tougher.

I hear questions from young leaders and pastors frequently asking about how to maintain healthy rhythms in the home. Frankly, I am glad and encouraged to hear this question and see the concern on the faces of leaders.

Melissa has spent more time in the home than me during this season of our lives. She is active in helping me at work when time allows, volunteers at our church and in a local non-profit in our community, but sees her main responsibility to maintaining a healthy environment in our home. I have a pretty extensive travel schedule that can easily become a distraction to family life. Melissa and I have and continue to work hard at creating a stable and healthy environment for our family to flourish. Below are some principles that help guide us in this endeavor.

1. Be willing to say “no” to good things

This can be very hard to do and sometime can even feel painful. Partly because if you are like me, I want to grab a hold of any good experience when it comes and I especially want my kids to have every opportunity that they want. I want my kids to have a full palette of experiences and to be exposed to many different things during their lifetime. At the same time, you don’t want them to miss out on fun with their own friends that you know have a way of filling the emotional cup of your kids.

But, sometimes as a parent you have to make the hard decision for your kids and even for the sake of your family that your kids aren’t mature enough to make for themselves. One question we regularly ask ourselves is “Is this wise for our family or for this particular child today?” Though my kids are still in my house I can see from friends around me that the days when your kids are in your house are precious and they disappear very quickly. Thus, your kids need you! More at this stage than ever. They need your influence and leadership and they simply need time with you. So ask yourself…what is the greater good - another sport, another activity, another evening out with friends, or more time with you?

These are things that only you can decide for you and your family. Everyone around you and in your ministry will make demands of your time. As a result, someone will have to be disappointed. Do you want your family and kids constantly disappointed or others? I want to suggest that it is ok from time to time to use the word “no.” It is actually vital to providing stability and balance in the home.

2. Be intentional with your time

Because time is limited it is important to find how to make time work in your favor. What I mean is many times the lack of intentionality can cause one to lose valuable time in the home and in building relationships with your own kids. I found out the hard way how important it is to put my cell phone down when I walked in the door after a long day at work. My tendency was to drive home trying to make one more connection and I would walk in the door and unknowingly ignore the greeting I was receiving from my kids welcoming me home.

That realization, with the help of my loving wife, caused me to change my routine when I get home. Now I stay in the car until that last phone call is finished and the moment I walk into the house I place my phone in a drawer so it isn’t a distraction. This simple discipline has helped me control my time in a way that honors my kids and our family time.

Be intentional in the time you invest in your marriage. There should be times that you intentionally shut everything down just so you stay connected. The time you take off from a very busy schedule is hard and can feel painful, but it is life giving to the marriage. 

I try to spend time with my kids in the things they are interested in doing…not trying to make them like what my interests are. When opportunity allows it I even allow my kids to take trips with me. This gives us great one on one time together. When we travel I like to find a fun unexpected way to connect to the heart of my kids. This can play out in renting a sports car to drive around or taking them to their favorite restaurant. I have even surprised my son with a fun fishing trip while in Seattle and as a result he got his first experience of hooking a king salmon.

3. Live and lead creatively

Find moments when you are together with your kids or as a family to use teachable moments. Swim together. Shoot baskets or throw a ball together. Include your kids in home projects. Learn to use breakfast time, dinner time, bedtime, and car rides - whatever time brings your way, whatever it takes, learn to use the time you have with your children well. 

When it comes to raising a busy family there isn’t one moment that we can afford to spare. Not even one. It is hard work and requires intentionality and creativity. But I have found those moments are so worth it and really fun. Every time!

When it comes to teaching your kids about God and connecting with his heart, we have been extremely intentional that we want this to be natural and part of our regular life discussions. We pray together regularly and we allow our kids to feel the weight of things from time to time and to pray with us through those challenging moments. We talk about God, God’s Word, principles of life, and values that we hold dear as Christ followers.

It doesn’t take a lot to have a captive audience. I know every time I sit in a hunting blind with one of my kids or every time a ball is in the air, I have a captive audience.

I am finding the time is passing quickly. I imagine you are seeing the same trend. Work hard at it. Find balance. There really isn’t anything more important.

Growing your Leadership Capacity

When it comes to starting a church or trying to bring about change, what does it look like to you? Can you describe the end result with great detail? One of the most important disciplines you can do to help ensure your success in these areas is to write down on paper what’s in your head.

Over the years, I have written out my goals in three specific categories of my life: physical goals, professional goals and spiritual goals.

Most people never write out their goals. Instead they drift through life going wherever the current of circumstance takes them. However, committing your goals to paper isn’t the magic wand…it is just the beginning.

Here are five quick reasons why you should write out your goals:

1. It brings clarity.

When you take time to write out your goals, it forces you to be certain about where you are and where you want to be. That small exercise brings great clarity and lets you know when you are actually moving, and if you are moving in the right direction.

2. It inspires action.

Writing down your goals is only half of the battle. The next big thing requires execution. You have to take action to see the goals achieved. When I write my goals down and then review them regularly, it inspires me to take the next most important step to achieving it.

3. It creates a filter.

The more success you achieve, the more opportunities will come your way. If you are not careful or have something that grounds you, these opportunities can easily distract and rip you off course. The one thing that has helped me to stay moving in the right direction is to have written goals that I can frequently visit to evaluate every new opportunity that pops up.

4. It elevates courage.

Resistance is just a part of life. Every meaningful intention you have will face resistance in some form. The moment you set a goal, resistance rears its ugly head. When you focus on the resistance it grows in strength and its ability to distract you. The best way to overcome the resistance is to focus on the end goal.

5. It creates avenues to celebrate.

Church work, leadership and life are hard when you don’t see tangible progress. It can feel like you are working day after day and getting nowhere. However, written goals can serve as markers on a highway. They enable you to see where you were, where you have come and how far you have to go. The best part is that they provide the opportunity to celebrate when the end has been reached.

Writing out your goals doesn’t need to be a long and drawn out process. Don’t over think it. Refine the goals as you go. I think you will find the effort and the discipline are well worth the time.

3 Great Reasons to Start New Churches

I remember the sentence that changed everything for me, like it was yesterday: “The most effective way to reach people for Jesus is to start new churches.” That was all I needed to hear to launch me into the exciting and scary world of church planting.
    In those early days, I underestimated the difficulty and the pushback we would receive from other Christians and even Christian leaders. They would look at me puzzled as I would share our vision for a new church. Then, without provocation, they’d ask, “Why would you start a new church when so many of our existing churches have a need and are declining in impact?” They’re referring to the idea that it would be better to reach people using the resources and churches that already exist. That is completely an understandable point of view and something to think about when a new church planter comes asking for help.
    However, the pushback usually comes from seeing the world through a simple economic model of supply and demand. When there is a seemingly limited demand for churches, why supply the community or region with more of them? As easy as that model is to understand, I think it is the wrong model. Using the model of supply and demand fails to recognize some important underlying reasons concerning the kingdom of God, community engagement and the call of discipleship.

What’s at stake
Let’s talk for a moment about why these three areas are important to understand in the context of church planting and why we do it.

1.    The kingdom of God

The very first command in the Bible is “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:22). God, from the beginning, commanded all living things to reproduce, that is, “according to its kind.” For lions that meant “reproduce lions.” For plants that meant “reproduce plants.” For Adam and Eve that meant “have lots of children.”
    Throughout the New Testament we see the church described as alive and a living body. Just as everything that is alive will grow, mature and reproduce, the same is true for the church. A church reproduces itself by starting another church. This is all a part of God’s kingdom work. God is passionate about his kingdom with the desire that his kingdom will encompass every community and every tribe ― and will reach every person.
    Fred Herron adds to this thought in his book, Expanding God’s Kingdom through Church Planting(1), when he states: 

“God intends the church to proclaim and demonstrate the kingdom so that his kingdom will spread to every people group on the earth. The passion in God’s heart for the expansion of his kingdom is a desire for all nations to glorify God the eternal King. He has given the church a kingly commission to go into the entire world and make disciples who are loyal worshippers of the King. The heart of God for kingdom expansion is the foundation for planting new churches.” 

With this in mind, church planting becomes more than a novel idea. It comes with urgency. It is through planting new churches that God’s kingdom and God’s reign are extended into communities around the world that are under the reign of darkness.
    We fulfill both the first command of Scripture and the Great Commission by multiplying churches. By planting churches, we take Jesus into the lives of needy people, we become partners with God’s mission, and we are actively expanding God’s kingdom. God’s heart beats for church planting and so should ours!

2.    Community engagement

Planting churches is about reaching people, who seemingly feel unreachable, for Jesus. The stark reality is that most “lost” people are best reached in a community that is similar and somewhat comfortable to them. This is true of groups separated by language, geography and even core identity. With this in mind, we start churches driven by biblical convictions of reaching those who are far from God. We start churches because it’s a God thing.

3.    The call of discipleship

The journey of discipleship is a journey to go. The more we pursue Jesus, the more we become like the one who came to “seek and save the lost.” This mission is a mission that requires us as Christians to go. We go to our neighbors. We go to our friends. We go to our families. We go to our co-workers. We go with the intention of carrying Jesus, the light, into our communities, cities and world. To follow Jesus is to embrace his commission, and his commission is an expression of love.
    Disciples are ones that have been captured by the love of Christ. When we really begin to understand what that really means, then we too must go. Starting new churches is an extension of that call to go, an extension of following Jesus.

My hope and prayer is that as the future unfolds, Converge will become known as a family of churches that are about starting new churches in your community and around the world, no matter what the cost. The hope of the world is Jesus, and he chose the church to exist as his vehicle for achieving God’s redemptive plan.

(1) Herron, Fred.  Expanding God’s Kingdom through Church Planting (Lincoln, Neb.: iUniverse, Inc. 2003), 19.